Wyndee Fields

I'm thinking I must be the last homeschooler on the planet to read "Dumbing Us Down" by John Taylor Gatto. I have read his website and some of his writing there, but never had the book in my hand until now. I figured I wouldn't read anything I haven't already read elsewhere like public school socialization is an oxymoron, etc.

However, I was taken by surprise by one of his speeches, "We Need Less School, Not More". In case I'm not the last person on the planet to read this book, I will narrate. The key point to this speech is that communities (and their sub-parts, families), have been replaced by networks. We only meet each other on common ground and needs, then we go our separate ways. The result is that we have a lot of superficial "relationships" with a lot of people, but no meaningful relationships with anyone. We become lonely in a crowd because no one really gets to know the whole person. The final result is that we are all using each other for our personal gain. That really hit me hard, as I have been feeling this a lot lately and had not been able to pinpoint the true problem.

Handsome and I have been married for 12+ years and have spent 10 of those years away from our families. Handsome is a family man and finds it hard to be away from them for very long. I find this admirable, but sad. You see, I remember spending time with my cousins at my grandparents' house and learning things I never learned at home. We were included in the baking that Grandma did in her little kitchen. We would sit in the living room for hours and listen to Grandpa tell his corny jokes or talk about his childhood growing up on the farm in Wisconsin. I first found a real grounding there as I learned that my great-grandfather moved here from Norway. I was completely fascinated. Handsome had similar bonds with his grandparents that kept him grounded with his family. It is sad that our children don't have that bond with their grandparents. Handsome and I believed that the problem is the distance between us and our families. However, we have come to the hard realization that physical distance has nothing to do with it. We have started to notice that there is a breakdown of relationship with everyone. For example, the last time we visited Handsome's parents, the children asked many times to help in the kitchen. Nanny repeatedly said, "No, you'll just get under foot." She fussed at them often if they got too rowdy and generally got more and more irritated over the time we were there. My children LOVE to help out in the kitchen. This could have been a real bonding experience, but instead, they were hurt to be rejected. I don't think Nanny had any ill-will towards them, but this is a sad example of what has become of our society.

So, here we are homeschooling in order to bring back the bonds that have been broken in our and our parents' generation, but what do we do to bring back community? The more I ponder this, the more I am at a loss. I'm sure church does help in some cases, but it seems that most of the churches we've been to follow that same networking example, rather than a community. We have not been to church in over a year for this very reason. In fact, the closest we have been to that community feel was when we were going to a home church with several of our friends. To this day, we feel that was the closest to family/community we have been in a long time. I pray that the Lord will bring us to the place we need to be to finally have that family/community bond that is so lacking in our lives right now. It is that very bond that will bring us all (not just my family) to the peace we so desperately need right now.

When I was a child, circa 1979, was the Children's museum in Jacksonville Florida. It was such a joy to explore the displays they had.

I remember walking into the building and being in awe of the allosaurus skeleton towering in the left window. Straight ahead, hanging down from the 5th floor ceiling, was a biplane looking as if it were going to land right there in the building. To the right, there was an open, hands-on aquarium with starfish and other sea creatures. Over by the restrooms, there was another fish tank with a concave area where I could stick my head in and feel like I was inside the tank right along with the fish.

This was just a hint of the adventure that was awaiting me on the other 4 stories of this awesome museum. The stairs were open to the lobby as they spiralled their way up the building, but they were not the only way to maneuver the many "rooms" of the building. There were back ways and boy were they fun to explore.

I don't remember exactly the order in which one explored as there were permanent rooms as well as revolving ones, but I was never bored! When I walked into a room, I was transferred into a new world. There was the dark room with a dock leading to a ship complete with a navigation wheel waiting to be turned and a captains quarters down below to explore. I could go over to the Egypt room where I came face to face with real mummified cats. If I was real brave, and I am, I would go up the platform to see the "real" mummy displayed. I would go out into an open area where there were, what seemed like thousands, of stuffed wildlife on the walls above, ready to pounce on me if I lingered too long. There was the health room where I crawled into a mouth many times and crawl out of the ear. Of course, I saw what was inside while I was there. I could spend hours exploring the log cabin display, the general store, or study the half hewn Indian canoe they always had there. There were many more rooms, but you get the idea.

I begged to go as often as I could and it always took some coaxing by my parents to get me out. This is the stuff of childhood memories.

Unfortunately, somewhere around that time, the place caught on fire and the inside was gutted. It was never the same since. I went back one time after they reopened it and it was a major disappointment. Oh sure, the allosaurus was still there, but gone were the imaginative displays and what replaced them were homogenized and pasteurized "education". This was the beginning of the end of true learning. The displays were reflections of a coming trend of "scientific" hands-on learning. I have not been there since (it is now the MOSH museum) but I have been to the sister museums in Tallahassee and St. Petersburg. As educational as they may be, they lack the imagination that creates a true learning experience for children. I doubt that any child attending these museums would have such a lasting and warm memory as this museum did for me.

Do yourself and your children a favor. Think about what kind of memories you want your children to have of their learning experiences and create that environment for them. They will cherish those memories as I do mine.

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It is November 23, 1991. It had been almost a year since I had unsuccessfully attempted to call Handsome. I had given up all hope of ever seeing him again and I was ready to move on. I had just gotten off from work and was on my way to a party that one of my co-workers was giving. As I was driving to the party, I was in somewhat of a daze. I pulled up to a stoplight, and casually looked over at the car next to me. I noticed someone was looking at me and I turned away, of course. It was then that it registered who it was. I turned to look again, and sure enough, it was Handsome! My heart was racing and all I could think was, "I'm not letting him get away this time!"

We rolled down our windows and agreed to stop at the next gas station. Upon arriving, we got out of our cars and gave each other a big hug. He had a friend with him, who was not too pleased about stopping. Handsome asked me what I was doing, I told him I was going to a party. He mentioned they were looking for a party to go to, so I invited them to tag along. (Follow up note: they were looking for a specific party, which happened to be the one I was going to. After 15 years, that bit of information was cleared up) His friend was really not pleased about being left to the wolves at a party full of strangers while Handsome and I caught up on our lives. As it turned out, his friend knew the host and was the life of the party. Handsome and I stayed on the sidelines and spent the whole night talking.

I told him about my attempt to call. He was puzzled that he never received the message as he was already living at home by then. He had been engaged up until a month ago. Turned out, she wasn't faithful and he broke off the engagement. We were inseparable from that point on.

We went out on our first date two days later, at which time, Handsome insisted that we meet our parents. I told him all about the thoughts I had over the years and he didn't run away! He seemed THRILLED and enamored with me. I later asked him how it was that I didn't run him off. He said he was ready to be married and have a family and thought that he was well on his way with his ex-fiance. I guess I had all that he was looking for in a wife as we were married June 14, 1993.

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It was August 1989 and I was looking for a job anywhere I could find one, as I needed a second job to pay all my bills. I even applied at the mall (my least favorite place). I was all dressed up to drop off applications as I was walking past the food court. Low and behold, there was Handsome working at one of the kiosks! He literally jumped over the counter and gave me a big hug. We talked about anything we could think of. He was still in school. I had graduated with my AA in Fine Arts. He had one more semester, then was going on to FSU in January. I had finally moved out of my parents' house and was living with a roommate. An hour later, he realized he needed to get back to work (it wasn't busy anyway). He said, "Come by any time. I'm always here!" I said, "Sure." We didn't think to exchange numbers and I never went back.

I spent the next two years thinking about Handsome a lot. During holidays and summers, I would fantasize that he was in town. I would imagine bumping into him in unusual locations. My constant thought was that I would see him drive up next to me at an intersection. I was starting to scare myself as I never thought of anyone like that before. I was beginning to think I would make myself crazy. It didn't help that a mutual friend of ours confirmed that he had feelings for me back in school.

In January of 1991, I started asking friends and family what I should do. The general consensus was that I should call him. The worst that could happen would be that I would have a good friend. I did it. I looked him up in the phone book and called. His grandmother answered the phone and said he wasn't there. I told her I had expected that he wouldn't be, but to please give him my number so he could call me back. She said she would. I waited on needles and pins for days... and weeks. Nothing. I was too scared to try again.

I finally gave up all hope...

Part 1

A week went by, we were down to a week before finals and Handsome finally came around to ask me. I knew why he was there, he was talking a mile-a-minute. I don't remember all that he said because my brain drowned him out. I suddenly panicked and realized I was considering a date with someone I hardly knew. I had never discussed him with my friends and I wanted to know what they thought of him before I made a decision. But, there was no time, I needed to answer him now! He finally got around to asking me and I blew it! My excuse? "Now is not the time, I'm not feeling well. Come back and ask me when I'm feeling better." As soon as I said it, I thought, "You fool!! What a lame excuse!!" The look on his face was one of hurt from rejection. There was no redeeming this situation. The worst of it was, my friends all agreed he was nice and worth going out with, DOH!!

Well, there was no point getting upset about it, it was a lost cause. It wasn't long before he found a girl to hang out with (she was fond of sitting in his lap). My friends were outraged and I was embarrassed, not about him, about their outrage. I guess I had forgotten to tell them about my "rejecting" him. So, all I wanted to do was go hide in a corner and forget it happened.

I probably shouldn't admit this, but this is one of my favorite movies. It is a holdover from my pre-Christian days. I watched it last weekend again and was reminded of my own "how we met" story.

It was spring 1989 and I was down to my last semester at the local community college. I had just started hanging around a group of friends that semester and was finally feeling like I belonged. At the same time, there was Handsome, hanging around the group, but he didn't have much to say. He was more interested in his Walkman and listening to 95YNF (the local Rock n' Roll station) and pretending he was drumming to the music (I'm a sucker for drummers). I didn't really know much about him, but he seemed pretty nice. He was in one of my classes and sometimes would walk another girl and me to class. He was always polite and held the door for us. Toward the end of the semester, the three of us were sitting at a table in the student center, away from the rest of the crowd, studying for a big test in this class. I remember looking up at him and thinking, "I'm going to marry him someday." I quickly pushed it out of my mind as I barely knew him.

A month or so later, I was walking into the student center and I heard a voice say, "Handsome likes you." I turned around to see who it was, but they were gone. It got me thinking and I had decided that I would be willing to go out with him if he asked.

To be continued...

"How do you handle being cooped up with the kids all day?" I've been asked that a lot recently by family members that have known I'm homeschooling for quite a while now. I'm afraid I was a little terse with one of them when I responded, "I DO have friends outside the home!" My real answer: I am happy to be with them. I love my children and they love me. Better yet, they love each other! My children ask each other to play all the time. I enjoy waking up to find one or both of my little ones had crawled into bed with me sometime in the morning. We share spontaneous hugs and kisses throughout the day. The words, "I love you," flow freely from our lips and smiles are a dime a dozen around here. The best part of what I do is to enjoy learning more about the character of these little people whom God felt compelled to send my way. I marvel at the fact that Rayman and Little Man are opposite of each other in every way. I marvel that PoPo is somewhere in between, but that she is all girl, through and through.

I will admit, I will get frustrated, angry, and downright bitter sometimes. The bad attitudes do prevail some days and those are usually the days I would like to go back to bed and start over. But I also recognize that those feelings are created by my selfishness. I often tell my children they need to adjust their attitudes, or I will do it for them. Sometimes, I'm the one needing the adjustment.

I worked during Rayman's first 5 years. I thought it was hard. I had NO idea how easy I had it, but this "career" is much more rewarding.